Stop letting other people decide what matters to you

Read time: 3 minutes

Over the weekend, my wife and I hosted some close friends and their kids.

We had a blast—eating, chatting, and watching the kids scream, laugh, and just enjoy life.

At one point, the husband leaned in and asked me:

“So how long has it been since you quit your job?”

I replied:

“Nearly two years—but it’s been a huge adjustment.”

That one line sent us all down a rabbit hole, with me leading the way.

I opened up about some of the challenges I’ve faced—especially how running your own business can feel lonely at times.

But I also told them the truth:

I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Later that night, once the kids were passed out and things had settled down, we all sat together talking about life and marriage.

And that’s when my wife said something that left me deep in thought:

“You know one thing I admire about Ron? He doesn’t change who he is. He stays true to his values—no matter what’s going on around him.”

That comment stuck with me. Not because I’m perfect—far from it.

In fact, I don’t always get it right.

But because it reminded me how rare it is these days to even know what your values are… let alone live by them.

And it got me thinking.

If you don’t define what matters to you, someone else will.

And often, they already are.

Your professional world will define it.

Your parents will define it.

Your peers. Your social media feed.

Even the ads you scroll past without thinking.

They all have an opinion about how your life should look—and if you’re not careful, you’ll start chasing goals that were never yours to begin with.

That was me, not long ago.

I had a good job. I was doing all the “right” things.

I told myself I was working hard to provide, to build options, to eventually create space for the life I actually wanted.

But the longer I stayed, the more I realized: I was chasing stability in a system that required me to slowly let go of who I was.

And because I hadn’t clearly defined what I valued, I kept defaulting to what others valued.

But it didn’t show up in obvious ways.

It showed up in the quiet decisions—avoiding conflict. Saying yes. Playing it safe. Trying to “get ahead.”

It looked like doing what was expected—even if it left me feeling stuck, tired, or misaligned.

That’s the part nobody talks about.

You don’t need to be miserable for something to be misaligned.

Sometimes it’s subtle.

You feel off—but can’t explain why.

You’re productive—but not fulfilled.

You’re busy—but not deeply connected to any of it.

That feeling? It’s what happens when your life drifts out of alignment with your values.

And the only way to fix it is to name what matters and start honoring what you say is important.

That one shift—defining my values clearly and prioritizing them—changed everything for me.

I stopped people-pleasing.

I stopped outsourcing my decisions.

I stopped trying to live a life that looked impressive and started living one that felt true.

But here’s the thing I had to learn the hard way:

Clarity doesn’t come from waiting.

It comes from choosing.

You don’t need permission. You just need to decide what matters—and let that guide you.

So if you’ve been feeling off…

Ask yourself honestly:

Whose map are you following right now?

Because if it’s not yours, there’s still time to change course.

A simple way to start

Take five minutes today to write down three values you want your life to reflect—no pressure to get it perfect.

Then ask yourself:

Am I living in alignment with these? Or have I drifted?

That’s it. No big task. Just a moment of clarity between you and you.

If you feel like sharing your values, I’d love to hear them—just hit reply.

See you next week, my friend.

P.S. Define your values before the world defines them for you.