Stop letting life passively go by

Read time: 4.7 minutes

Over the weekend, I met a friend for lunch—someone I’ve known since college. We ran track together and both worked at the same company before we decided to leave and pursue something more meaningful and fulfilling.

It was great catching up about family, kids, life, work, and priorities.

About halfway through the meal, he asked how business was going, which led us into a conversation about values and the work I’m doing in Clarity Lab—helping people align their lives and work with their values.

He stretched his fist across the table to meet mine and said, “We need more people like you.”

He also shared how he’s considering another career shift and wants to go full-time on his own project. As a dad with a second child on the way, he emphasized how family plays a huge role in his values.

As I left the restaurant, a thought kept running through my mind: most people never stop to ask themselves, “What do I value?” Instead, they let life pass by on autopilot.

Autopilot Does More Damage Than Good

Too many of us are stuck responding to everything around us—work, commitments, obligations—without ever pausing to ask, “Is this really what I want?”

We let the days blend together, rushing from one task to the next, feeling like something is missing, but not knowing what it is.

It’s easy to get swept up in the chaos of daily life, especially when we’re always giving to others or chasing the next thing without considering what truly matters to us.

But here’s the truth: it’s not too late to stop this pattern.

In this clarity letter, I want to talk about why you might be stuck in this autopilot mode and how you can start making small but meaningful shifts to align your actions with what truly brings you fulfillment.

Let’s dive in.

Why You’re Stuck in Autopilot

So why do so many people stay in autopilot mode without ever questioning the path they’re on? It often comes down to a mix of societal expectations, fear of change, and deep-seated guilt.

Let’s briefly touch on each of these:

• Societal Expectations: We live in a world where we’re told what success looks like—climbing the corporate ladder, buying more things, and achieving external milestones. It’s easy to get caught up in this idea of success without stopping to ask if it aligns with what you truly want.
• Fear of Change: Change is hard, and for many, it’s easier to stay on the current path—even if it’s not fulfilling—than to make the leap into something unknown. This fear of change often keeps people stuck, wondering if they’re good enough or if they’ll be able to handle the shift.
• Guilt Around Prioritizing Yourself: Many people feel guilty about focusing on their own needs. They believe they have to sacrifice for others and often feel selfish or undeserving if they take time to prioritize their values over external demands.

These factors combine to keep us trapped in a loop of external expectations, fear, and guilt, without ever questioning: Am I really living a life that aligns with MY values?

The 4-Step Shift to Living Aligned with Your Values

Step 1: Ask the Right Question

The first step in aligning your life with your values is to ask yourself, “What do I value?” This may sound simple, but it’s a question that many people avoid.

The reason? It can feel uncomfortable.

When you ask this question, it forces you to look at how you’ve been living and whether that aligns with what you care about. It’s easy to stay busy, caught up in the demands of life. But unless you take the time to reflect on your values, you’ll keep living on autopilot—reacting to everything but never actively or intentionally designing your life.

So, take a moment to ask yourself: What do I truly value? Write down your thoughts, no matter how vague they may feel initially. This is the beginning of your clarity journey.

If you need help, my core values worksheet has been a great guide for many.

Step 2: Reframe Your Guilt

Once you identify what matters to you, the next step is to reframe the guilt you may feel when prioritizing your needs.

I get it. Many of us have been taught that prioritizing ourselves is selfish. But here’s the truth: prioritizing your values and well-being isn’t about taking from others—it’s about pouring from a full cup.

When you align your actions with your values, you become a better partner, friend, parent, and professional because you’re not drained or disconnected from your true self.

Here’s an exercise you can start with. Reframe the thought: “I’m being selfish by focusing on myself” to “By taking care of myself, I can better show up for those I care about.”

Spend time journaling about your guilt and how this simple reframing can impact your perspective.

Step 3: Take Small, Meaningful Actions

Now that you’ve identified your values and reframed your guilt, it’s time to take action.

This doesn’t mean overhauling your entire life in one go. Start small.

• Carve out 10 minutes each morning to reflect on what truly matters
• Spend a few hours on the weekend decluttering your home and creating space for what matters
• Take the first step toward a career change that aligns with your values—research, ask questions, network, and build relationships.

The key is to take one step today. And then another tomorrow.

Small, consistent actions will build momentum, and you’ll soon start seeing the changes you’ve been seeking.

Step 4: Reflect and Adjust

The final step is to make reflection a regular part of your life. After you’ve taken action, check in with yourself. How do you feel? Do you feel more energized and aligned? Are you starting to notice any shifts in your mindset or behavior?

Reflection helps you see where you’re making progress—and where you might need to adjust.

It’s an ongoing process, and by consistently realigning your actions with your values, you’ll continue to grow on your journey and build a life you love, supported by work you enjoy.

The Bottom Line

Stop letting life passively go by.

Now that you know the steps to align your life with your values, I challenge you to start today.

Pick one step from the four we’ve discussed—whether it’s asking yourself, “What do I value?” or taking one small action—and commit to it this week.

Remember, it’s not about perfection, it’s about progress. And as you begin taking these steps, you’ll feel more aligned, energized, and fulfilled, living life on your terms.

And that’s all for this week.

See you next week.