Spotting the signs your life is “Out of Alignment” (and what to do)

Read time: 4 minutes

Last week’s letter sparked some great conversations. (Thank you for all of the replies.)

That said, I got an email from a reader who has found themselves getting lost in not understanding what the word aligned means in life. The first thing she thought of was car alignment. Fair enough. Let’s play that out.

If your car’s out of alignment, you notice.

It pulls to one side. It’s harder to steer.

You can still get where you’re going, but it takes more effort. And over time, it causes wear and tear you might not notice until it’s too late.

She then goes on to ask this, “If I take this and transfer it to my life, it gets a bit confusing. How do I know if the direction I’m heading in my life is out of alignment? If and when I do recognize something that is contributing to being out of alignment, then what?”

That’s such a great question.

Let’s unpack this together.

What “alignment” really means in life

Alignment is when your decisions, actions, and direction align with your values—the things you care about most.

When you’re aligned, your daily choices reflect who you are and what matters to you. You feel a sense of ease and clarity, even when life is busy or challenging, because you’re moving in a direction that feels true to you.

When you’re out of alignment, there’s a disconnect.

You feel it, but you can’t name it, which makes it easy to brush off until later.

Hear me out.

Before you can create an intentional life, you have to spot the patterns that are quietly pulling you off course. These are the behaviors that keep the disconnect alive—the ones you repeat without noticing, until one day you wake up and wonder how you got so far from what matters.

Here are five behaviors that were fertilizing the disconnect I felt.

• Behavior #1: Always in motion but rarely fulfilled. When I worked in corporate, my calendar was never jam-packed with back-to-back meetings, but every day I was constantly doing something. Hitting deadlines, managing projects, overcomplicating systems, yet none of it felt meaningful.
• Behavior #2: Saying yes when I wanted to say no. I agreed out of habit, obligation, or fear of disappointing someone—then carried the resentment for days. If only I had the courage to trust myself. To listen to my gut.
• Behavior #3: Chasing milestones without checking if they mattered. I spent years in a corporate career, accepting promotions that looked great on paper, but felt hollow once I got them. There was joy in the moment, but that faded almost immediately. It didn’t quite “get me ahead” like I thought it would.
• Behavior #4: Choosing comfort over growth. I stuck to the safe, familiar, and predictable. I worked toward someone else’s definition of success instead of my own. I swam with the current because that was easier than pushing against it.
• Behavior #5: Neglecting what replenished my energy. When you give so much of yourself to everything that is not fulfilling, you leave very little room for what fuels you—family, friends, relationships, hobbies. I had to realize how difficult it is to pour from an empty cup.

Seeing these patterns for what they were was uncomfortable, but it was also the first step toward change. Once you name the behaviors, you can start making small, deliberate shifts. And that’s where realignment begins.

So how do you start?

Pause and reflect

Stop and check in. Take 10 minutes today and ask: Where in my life do I feel “off”? It might be a specific relationship, your work, your health habits, or even how you spend your free time. Write it down. Sometimes just seeing it in black and white brings instant clarity, but don’t overthink it. You’re not solving the whole problem in one sitting, just noticing where the tension lives.

Identify the cause

Once you’ve named the “off” area, dig one layer deeper. Is it a commitment that no longer fits? A value you’ve been ignoring? A boundary you’ve let slip? Get specific. The clearer you are about the cause, the easier it becomes to realign.

Make one small shift

Alignment isn’t fixed in a day. Just like you don’t repair a car by replacing every part at once, you don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Start with one slight turn of the wrench—say no to one thing, reclaim an hour for yourself, or take one step toward that career transition you’ve been putting off. Small shifts compound, and before long, you’ll feel the road smooth out beneath you.

Here’s the bottom line.

You don’t have to wait until life pulls you so far off course that you can’t see the road anymore.

Small, intentional adjustments now can save you from years of frustration later.

And just like with a car, the sooner you fix the alignment, the smoother the ride becomes.

So ask yourself:

If I let go of the wheel, are my decisions, actions, and direction aligned with my values? The kind of life I want to enjoy?

If the answer is no, you have a choice to make.

Continue to drive with difficulty—or fix it.

See you next Sunday, my friend.