How to reverse the wedge clutter drove into your relationship

Read time: 3 minutes

One of the questions I like to ask my clients at the beginning of our coaching partnership is this:

“What is your clutter getting in the way of?”

Sometimes the answer is obvious—like the dream project that never gets started because your home office is a mess.

Or the desire to move to a new city, switch careers, or finally pursue something more meaningful—but your home is so full of “unfinished business,” you can’t take the first step.

Other times, the answer is harder to admit.

Maybe it’s the conversation you’ve been avoiding.

The connection that’s quietly faded.

The resentment that’s built up over time but has never been named.

And for some people, the answer is sobering:

“My clutter is driving a wedge into my relationships.”

And what’s wild is that these people aren’t hoarders.

They’re not unmotivated.

They’re not careless.

They’re overwhelmed—they don’t know where to start.

And the clutter is silently creating distance:

• Between partners in a marriage who stop talking about how they feel
• Between siblings who’ve quietly grown distant
• Between parents and kids who no longer feel seen or understood
• Between you and the part of you that feels most at peace

You see, here’s the thing:

Most people think the problem is the mess.

But it’s not the mess.

It’s what the mess represents.

• Unspoken resentment
• Mismatched values
• Emotional labor that’s quietly become one-sided
• A shared space that no longer feels safe, restful, or inviting

Over time, clutter becomes more than just stuff in a room.

It becomes the story underneath your silence.

The background noise in every short fuse and surface-level conversation.

The third party in the relationship—always present, always in the way.

But here’s the good news, my friend.

That wedge can be reversed.

And it doesn’t start with a weekend cleaning spree.

It starts with clarity.

If you feel that wedge forming, here’s how to begin closing the gap:

1. See the clutter for what it really is

Clutter isn’t just visual. It’s emotional.

It’s unfinished conversations. Deferred decisions.

Power struggles. Guilt. Stories we haven’t been ready to face.

Before you try to organize or clean, pause.

Look around and ask yourself:

“What is this clutter really saying?”

Not just about your space—but about your values, your relationships, your needs.

Sometimes clarity starts with simply being honest:

“This space doesn’t feel good anymore. And I want that to change.”

2. Talk about what the clutter represents (not just who left it there)

This part is hard—but it’s where the healing begins.

When tension builds up around clutter, we usually focus on tasks.

Who didn’t do what. What still needs to be cleaned.

Why it always feels like it falls on one person.

But if you zoom out, you might realize…

It was never just about the dishes.
It was about not feeling supported.
Not feeling seen.

So before the same frustration surfaces again over “whose pile this is,” try asking:

“How does this space make you feel?”

Let it be a conversation—not a confrontation.

You might be surprised by what you both discover.

3. Clear space for what matters together

Don’t treat it like a task. Treat it like an opportunity.

• An opportunity to co-create calm
• An opportunity to feel like a team again
• An opportunity to say, “this space reflects us, not just me”

When you reset even a tiny area you both interact with daily—with care and intention—you begin to close the gap and rewrite the story.

One that says:

“This matters to me. You matter to me. Let’s make space for connection.”

And that’s beautiful.

But you don’t need a perfect system or a massive weekend purge to reconnect.

You just need to start where the wedge began:

With the silence.

The stress.

The things that felt too heavy to talk about.

Then… do the opposite.

Name it.
Face it.
Decide on it—together.

Because while clutter may have created the distance.

Clarity brings you back.

P.S. What’s your clutter getting in the way of? If you’ve felt a quiet disconnection in your home—or in your relationships—this is your chance to reset.

Join my next Declutter Breakthrough Challenge, a 5-day live coaching experience to help you create space for the life you want without guilt, overwhelm, or regret.

 We start Monday January 5th, and spots are limited.

Grab your ticket here and start the new year with a breakthrough!

Because sometimes, the most important reason to let go isn’t to have a cleaner space.

It’s to reconnect with the people who matter most.